It’s Always Sunny in the Wasteland

It All Started With a Barrel

Frank had bought a glowing green barrel of “discount uranium” from a trench coat guy behind a dumpster. He said it was “for ambiance.” Everyone else ignored it—just another one of Frank’s schemes to cut utility costs and boost beer sales.

Dennis was practicing his smolder in the mirror, certain that his DNA would somehow “transcend nuclear physics.” Mac was shirtless and mid-rep, declaring his “delts could block fallout.” Dee was filming her 112th audition tape for a Nuka-Cola commercial. And Charlie? Charlie was under the bar eating something vaguely rat-shaped and definitely irradiated.

Then the air raid sirens went off. Ten minutes until the end of the world.

Where They Landed

Dee, shockingly, was the only one with a plan. She bolted straight to Vault 10, insisting she was pre-approved due to her “celebrity potential.” She made it in, thanks to a clerical error and the Vault’s true purpose: a social experiment on unchecked narcissism. She’s now a Vault Dweller convinced she’s the star of her own post-apocalyptic sitcom.

Mac, ever the warrior-monk-in-training, tried to flex the nuclear fire away. It didn’t work. But he was found, barely conscious and incredibly dehydrated, by the Brotherhood of Steel. Impressed by his delusions of grandeur and uncanny ability to survive stupid decisions, they made him a Paladin. He still calls his power armor “the iron temple.”

Dennis calmly walked into a tanning booth lined with lead panels. “If I’m going out, I’m going out flawless,” he said. When he emerged centuries later, he was unchanged physically, but spiritually evolved into a full-blown Wasteland raider lord. He rules a gang that worships hygiene, seduction, and weaponized charm. It’s called “The D.E.N.N.I.S. System.”

Charlie stayed under the bar. The bomb hit, the building collapsed, and Charlie absorbed enough radiation to pickle a deathclaw. He ghoulified, but didn’t notice. Today, he still lives in the remains of Paddy’s with his “rat friends,” surviving off mold, Nuka-Cola, and inexplicable instincts. He believes he's 42. He is not.

Frank did what no one expected (or maybe exactly what you'd expect): he bathed in the uranium barrel. The combination of radiation, expired pharmaceuticals, and financial desperation turned him into a Super Mutant. He now travels the Wasteland in a shopping cart, hoarding pre-war junk and demanding tolls in exchange for old toenail clippers and soap.

Reunion in Ruin

Some 200 years later, they all found their way back to the skeleton of Paddy’s Pub. Dee was doing surface patrol. Mac came investigating a Brotherhood “radioactive anomaly.” Dennis returned chasing rumors of a “narcissist shrine.” Frank just wanted to see if his old mattress was still there. Charlie, of course, had never left.

And so, surrounded by feral ghouls, rusted barstools, and a glowing beer tap, the gang was back.

Still scheming. Still screaming. Still surviving.

It’s Always Sunny in the Wasteland.